Are you building a table or creating a dungeon?

“I’m sending all my subjects to the dungeon.”

That was the first thing my 6-year-old daughter, Chimamanda, jokingly said when she was chosen Head of the Family during our weekend breakfast ritual.

Everywhere, first blur!
Dungeon ke? 😄

I laughed and stepped in.

“Madam, we don’t do that here. If you send all your subjects to the dungeon, who exactly are you going to lead?”

Right there, over breakfast, we had an unexpected leadership masterclass.

I explained the difference between being a ruler and being a leader.

A ruler controls people.
A leader grows people.

A ruler relies on fear and authority.
A leader earns trust and influence.

A ruler asks, “Who is in charge?”
A leader asks, “Who am I responsible for?”

And here’s the uncomfortable truth:

Many leaders send people to the “dungeon” every day, without chains or castles.

You send people to the dungeon when you:

• Shut down ideas in meetings instead of listening.
• Lead with fear, threats, or constant pressure.
• Ignore people’s efforts but remember their mistakes.
• Use power to silence rather than serve.
• Demand loyalty without offering safety or respect.

That’s not leadership.
That’s rulership.

Leadership is choosing to build capacity rather than compliance, people rather than ego, and influence rather than intimidation.

So, in your leadership today, are you building a table or creating a dungeon?